i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
