I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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