We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
