How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
