just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
