I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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