Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
