I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
