I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
