you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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