Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
