look no pants
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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