Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
