If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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