I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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