just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
