: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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