my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
