there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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