You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
