yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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