Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
