woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
