dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
