whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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