I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
