saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
