it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
