is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
