Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

It's like God shit irony all over that family

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(916): View more from California

You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..

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(216): View more from Ohio

She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.

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(916): View more from California

I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk

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(404): View more from Georgia

I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.

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(319): View more from Iowa

You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there

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(207): View more from Maine

There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom

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