im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize