Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
