i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
