she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
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i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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