last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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