Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
