it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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