is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
