I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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