im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
