Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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