Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
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