i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
