You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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