She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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