Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
