I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
