oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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