I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
