Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
