I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
