today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
