you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
