So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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