I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
