we have pet lesbian snakes
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
