i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
