youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
