your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
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Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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