tell your sister to shave her snatch
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
