Yo dont text me then not text me
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
