tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
