He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Randomize
