Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
