She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
