I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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