Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
