That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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