i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
