We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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