i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
