I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
