Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
