On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Sponge bath it is.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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