I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
