we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Couch. On fire.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
