I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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