i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
