I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
