I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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