Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
