well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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