I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
