I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Your penis caused this!
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