Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
